MY bPhone!!!!

We buns haves a big, big pwoblem that we is facing more & more evfurry day! It's somefing that is diswupting how smoothly our bun-lives should be wunnings!! You can pwobabwy guess what me is goings to bwogs about today....and that is the annoyings way that our momma's steals OUR bPhones OR bunBerries!! Momma's, (and, in some cases, daddy's) you do NOT wealize how you inconvenience and stwess out, what shoulds be, a serene, lazy, & uncompwicated bun life! You may not finks about it but we buns, piggies, dogs, cats, turtles, hamsters, parrots, etc. depends solely on our bPhones & bunBerries to communicates and plan stuffs that is important to us!! We haves many fings that MUST BE discussed and wesolved between all of us anipals! For purposes of this bwog me will refer to all the above mentioned anipals as "buns" and all types/kinds of phones as bPhones! If me has to list all kinds of animals and all kinds of phones, we would be here for a week!!! Me is going to twy and makes momma's bunderstands how important it is for them to stops taking OUR bPhones wif them to work or shoppings or where ever you goes!
We buns haves lops of fings that needs to gets done! We needs to be able to picks up our bPhone AT ANY TIME to talks on Twitter! This is how we communicates!! We plans stuff on Twitter! We keeps up wif what evfurrybunny is doings and that's how we nose if there is anyfings that anofur bun needs! Me is not goings to 'plains evfurryfing that we tweets about cause its none of you hoomans business! We keeps fings betweens us and hoomans on a "need to know" basis. This is for our pwotection and you hoomans protection! You hoomans finks that you needs to nose what we is doings, but me can tells you, wight now, that you doesn't wants to nose!! Twust me!! This most important pwobwem can be solved vewy quickly & easily....just a few simple steps, outlined below, will 'splains it vewy clearwy to you.
1) For your own emotional stability, it's vewy 'portant that you acknowledge the fact that we buns is in charge!! This will makes the west of these steps much easier for you hoomans to gets through!
2) Now that you have taken the first step, it is important that you does this step vewy quickly!! Goes out and buys the best, most coolest, 'spensive phone that's made. This new phone is now the BUNS new phone!!
3) Immediatewy has the carrier twansfer all data & info. fwoms our old phone to the new, cool phone.
4) Now, takes the new phone and the old phone stwaight to your bun! Do NOT stops anywhere else and DO NOT wooks at the new phone. AT ALL!! This is pwivate information! The carrier alweady has deleted all bun info. fwom the old phone so you may wook at that one.
5) Gives both phones to your bun! (If you haves more than one bun, gives them to the alpha-bun!
6) Excellent work!! If you have followed all the steps, outlined above, and the bun approves of your actions and speed of your actions, me has a surpwise for you!!!
7) YOU CAN HAVES THE OLD PHONE!!! Us buns is not selfish! When our hoomans does fings right, they will gets rewarded for their good behaviors!!

Me hopes that this has given all my fwiends the courage to does what you needs to does! We haves to takes contwols of the situation! Me can tells you fwom 'perience, that me is tired of momma dictatings when I haves and when I doesn't haves, MY bPhone!

Me nose you can does it!! Just takes a deep breaf and go tells, not ask, your hooman(s) what you wants done! Says it wif 'thority!! Means what you says and DON'T takes no for an answer!! In a bwog to come in the future, me will discuss punishments for hoomans that doesn't does what we orders them to does. Keeps your eyes open for that one! Me can pwomise you that it will be vewy entertainings!!

Fanks you for weadings my bwog! And wemember...YOU IS IN CHARGE!!!!

Love, Scotty


BADGERS FOOTNOTE: I have to wipe Billy's poop off my feet before I can use my gPhone.


Me would like to say fanks you to Billy (@piggusbiggus) for lettings me borrow the gweat wisdom of Badger for the footnote!!!

POOPIES.....

Hee Heeeeeeee!!! Poopie! Poopie!! Poopie!! Poop! Poop! POOPIE!!! Hee Heeeeeeeeeee heeee!!!!!!
Many of my fwiends nose how much me wuvs talkin bout, finkin bout and playin wif poopies! If you doesn't nose.....you will when you is done weadings this!!

Poopies comes into play wif many fings. Let's say me wants momma to gets me fwesh water. Turns wif your butt facing the waterbowl, makes a big pile of poopie and then kicks wif your thumpers! This will frows the poopies into the water bowl! Now...does a flop next to the water bowl wif a dehydrated wook on your face! Your momma will RUNS to gets you fwesh water!

Now....one day, me was bored and momma was hungwy. Me heard her says that she wants candy, specifically, "Skittles" candies...heehee...Me haves some candy for you, momma!! After momma finished wif her Skittles, she still wanted more. Well...me putted three poopies out on the carpet, next to momma's La-Z-Boy chair. Me was watchin fwom under MY table-cave (anofur story for anofur bwog). Momma walkeded over, wif her hungwy, candy needing bwain, and picks up the three poopies and PUTS THEM IN HER MOUF!! Hee heeeeeeee!! She gotted this funny wook on her face cause she was twyin to gets the flavor out of them, and couldn't! Me then see'd her spits them out into her hand and wook at them as she wealizes what they is!! Then she wooks at me. ME?!?!!! Me is just sittings there, wif a vewy innocent wook on my face, while wooking extra coot (as usual)!!! Me didn't does anyfing, momma!!!

Vewy important to talks about using our poopies as weapons!! Me has gotted vewy good at flingings poopies acwoss the room at momma!! Good aim is vewy important and you can only gets good aim by practicing, when the hooman(s) isn't home. Me uses them for peltings my hooman sissy (me discussed her in my pwevious bwog) if she twies to walks through MY living room!
There is many ways to hurls poopies....you can frows them wif your fwont paws, you can kicks them wif your thumpers and you can digs wif all four of your feets, in your litter to cause a "rainstorm of poopies" which is a vewy effective way of pummelling anyfing or anyone, wif a lot of poopies at the same time!!

Ok, me is tired fwom all this bwoggings and me haves to goes and takes a naps now. Me hopes you has learned somefing bout poopies! Me hasn't covered evfurryfing yet and me may does anofur poopie bwog sometime!
Fanks for weadings my stuff!! Wuv, Scotty!!!


Added on Sunday:
Me has been lucky enough to secure Badger, fwom @piggusbiggus to does a "footnote" for me on my weekly blog! Me is vewy 'cited bout this!!! Fanks you, Badger, for your wisdom!!

Badgers footnote: "I hate stepping in other people's poopie!"